Travels with Smee

Long Strange Trip (Part 1)

2010-01-09T22:38:00.001-08:00

I'm exhausted and it ain't over yet.

I got to the Cleveland airport (Our motto: It could be worse - you could be in Detroit!) and sure enough, now I'm in Detroit and it's worse!

But I'm skipping ahead.

I got to the airport with plenty of time and with a one hour snow delay, that was three hours to kill. Fortunately, I had pulled my right hamstring over the holidays, which slowed me down considerably. The Cleveland Airport Authority, in an apparent effort to promote physical fitness and therapy, has a dandy set of kiosks with an electronic map of concourses A through D, giving the crippled traveler the capability of quickly deciding on the closest restaurant matching his/her taste. Since I was departing from the B concourse I chose a pub a few gates past mine and hobbled down there to discover that not only was there no restaurant, but no one could remember a restaurant ever being there. No problem. Walk on. Down to the end of the A concourse to two other nonexistant establishments and ultimately the end of C concourse, where I finally found something to eat. Back to my gate where I waited the hour delay and finally boarded my plane to Champaign, Illinois, with a stop in Detroit (no plane change - Yay!). Only 15 people on a 48 seat aircraft. Score! Six rows to myself!
The flight attendant asked for a show of hands of passengers continuing on this plane to Champaign. I raised the sole hand and she said "I guess it's you and me". Silly me, I envisioned an empty plane to myself for the second leg of my journey. When we arrived in Detroit I stayed on the plane after all others had left, until the flight attendant said, "We aren't going to Champaign after all, so you'll have to go talk to the gate agent to see where you are supposed to go". The agent told me this plane was now going to London, Ontario and that my flight was departing from Gate B03, not A38 where we now were. And it was scheduled for 7:45, which gave me a good 15 minutes to limp the half mile to the gate, which was.........completely dark and abandoned. Hmmmm. Guess I should look at the departure screens. Interesting. The flight now leaves at 06:30 tomorrow! So now I need to speak with a ticket agent. Of course they're back on the A concourse at A41, another long hobble. I explain my situation to the agent there, who is totally amazed and has never seen anything like this before. All she can do is give me a $100 travel voucher, a $13 dinner voucher, call the Fairfield Inn to check availability and hand me a voucher for a night's stay. Then she tells me to go to baggage to have them retrieve my bag, where I am told that Mesaba Airlines is refusing to pull any of the 15 bags that people from various flights are waiting for. So the 15 of us all get a free overnight bag with a few essentials and a T-shirt that says “SkyTeam” on it (I now have three of these dartboards from Delta). SO now 14 of us trundle out to the curb and cram ourselves onto a shuttle to the Fairfield Inn, where we are told that the Fairfield Inn does not accept vouchers. Perfect! The reservation clerk tells us we need to go to the full service Marriot a half mile down the road and she will arrange a shuttle to take us there. After 45 more minutes it somehow comes to light that the Marriot has no available rooms and a shuttle finally arrives to bring us back to the airport where we start all over again. Of course the Delta agents, once again never having seen anything like this before, gives us all new vouchers to the Courtyard Inn, which after a half hour wait for another shuttle, turns out to be in the same parking lot as the Fairfield, only it’s now an hour and a half later. So by 11:30 I finally got some food in the bar, was asleep by one AM and back up at 04:30 to go back to the airport.

Now that it’s on paper it doesn’t seem all that bad, but trust me, a long strange trip it’s been!

Oh and the trip gets better…………stay tuned.

Smee

For you Procrastinators...

2009-11-01T14:28:00.000-08:00

There's something to be said for just barely making your plane sometimes. Running like you're training for the Senior Olympics. Running like OJ's late for his plane and he's behind you waving a knife. I, on the other hand, got to the Trudeau Airport in Montreal with three hours to spare, since I've previously dealt with Canadian Customs (our motto: "If we can't make your day worse, then we're just not doing our job").

Today though, I breezed through Customs and Security behind maybe two other people and had time to have lunch and a leisurely walk to my gate, where.............Nothing happened! No announcement when the departure time of 4:10 arrived and departed. I looked outside; no plane. No problem. I've got a two and a half hour layover in New York on my way to Burlington, Vermont.

At 4:40 the gate display read 4:45. Still no announcement. Still no plane. At 4:50 a plane rolled in. I moved out of the way to avoid the crush of de-planing passengers. For about 10 minutes, when I realized there were no passengers on the plane. Or pilot. Or crew. Then we get an announcement: "There will be a short delay while a mechanic checks out a tire that has too much air in it." Ok, when was the last time you had to remove air from a tire on your car that you just backed out of the garage? And why didn't they know this when they were still in the hanger or wherever this bird came from?

So now it's 5:50 and the reader board says we will be boarding at 5:35. Evidently the airport clock has been broken by the excess air in the starboard tire of our aircraft. It also seems to have taken out the paging system. Still no announcement. 6:00 - "We'll be boarding the airplane in 5 minutes". Oh yay!

So I'm off on another "Adventure"...

Smee

Indy to Jersey - The Hard Way!

2009-08-20T19:31:00.001-07:00

What started out as a promising trip has gone a bit awry. I finished up my job at Indiana University with plenty of time to make it 50 miles back to Indianapolis to my plane to New Jersey, connecting in Philadelphia. After setting my trusty GPS to Indy International and setting the cruise to "no cops" I had a relaxing ride until Darlene announced we had arrived and the airport was on my left, which seemed strange since I was the only car in the area. I went past the road to the terminal and turned around to give Darlene another shot at it, when I saw the sign by the barricade: "Airport Closed". Are you KIDDING? I just flew into Indy yesterday! Then I saw the second sign: "Airport has moved", with an arrow pointing to an onramp that split into three roads immediately after I got on it. I flipped my three-sided coin, somehow chose the correct road and was at the new airport in seven or eight miles. Crisis averted! Still had an hour and a half, time to get a BLD (breakfast lunch dinner), leaving me a half hour to get through Security with 20 other folks. Of course Security, since I fit the profile of an old fat bald guy, had me go through the body scanner, I'm sure just to amuse themselves, which takes an extra ten minutes while you take everything left in your pockets after already removing all metal objects and hold the stuff over your head. Then the guy gets a call from the scanner monitor dude "Pat down his right rear" which I'm sure had the monitor guys rolling on the floor as he rubs my butt. "Nothing there - OK you're good to go." So I got dressed and got to my dreaded USAir flight - Our Motto: "We may not be able to do anything else right, but we can land 'em in the river!" So off we go towards Philly on an hour and 15 minute cruise. Two hours later our captain announces that the airport has had a huge storm blow in that had closed Philly and we had been circling and were now going to land in Harrisburg to gas up (since apparently the airlines (did I mention USAir) had no clue we might run into this situation. So we landed, whereupon I learned why sitting next to the door to the only restroom is a BAD thing. While we're on the ground one of the passengers called his father in law who works for FAA or somebody in the know and found out the Philly airport was not closed, but outgoing flights were delayed 45 minutes and incoming ones (that's me) were delayed 15 MINUTES! You mean the plane didn't have enough fuel to allow for a 15 minute delay?! (That was USAir, people.) At any rate we somehow made it back in the air with a "full" tank and made it to Philadelphia just in time for everyone to miss their connections.So after the usual "we can't give you your bags 'cause they're checked through to someplace you are no longer going" I found a baggage professional who located my bag and went and got it! And I got a Hilton room for a $99 "distress" rate.Now I just have to lower customer expectations in NYC since I won't be there until afternoon.Whew! That was a long rant. Sorry.Smee

Pillow Talk

2009-07-10T11:02:00.000-07:00

Hi Y'all,
I am perplexed! I am confused! But y'all already knew that.
I'm at The Inn at Penn. Ooooh! Sounds impressive, but it's just another hotel with overpriced rooms and parking because it's on the edge of a college campus and everybody knows if you can afford to send your kid to college you must have more money lying around somewhere that they can get their hands on.
At any rate, my question is: What the heck do I need with thirteen pillows on my bed? I am not exaggerating here. Three brown print pillows. Three flannel plain brown pillows. Five plain white "sleeping" pillows. One narrow brown pillow to make the other pillows look cool on the bed. At least I think there is a bed under there. Who does this?
Wait a minute. 3+3+5+1 =12.
OK, I was exaggerating.
Never mind.
Smee

I need a brain and a gun.

2009-07-02T19:00:00.000-07:00

Hi All,

All excited to get done in Bethesda MD early and head to the airport - Ron Reagan National. Dropped off my car and made it to the Northwest ticket counter in record time, hoping to get on any earlier flight. Yeah sure. My flight wouldn't come up on the computer and so with the help of a ticket agent I determined I was really early for a flight out of..........wait for it............

BALTIMORE.

Who flies you into one airport and out of another? OK, it was my fault. What a dope! Maybe I should have read the itinerary a little closer. Of course there is nothing so bad that it can't be made worse (with a little help). The ticket agents were clueless how to get from one airport to the other, because no one has ever done this before . A baggage guy sent me to the Super Shuttle, which would get me to BWI for $45.

I checked with the driver to make sure I could pay with a credit card since I have no cash. He said he needed cash to get gas before driving that far. He gets out of the car and proceeds to have a loud argument with the coordinator behind the shuttle. While he's doing this I notice he has over half a tank of gas. He finally gets back in and says he'll take me to the next terminal where something indeterminant will take place.

We go into the terminal to the scheduling desk where another argument ensues, which the driver apparently loses and he storms out and gets in his van to drive me, I guess. I follow him since my bag is still in his van, open the back door and pull out my suitcase, telling him (yelling, actually) that I'd find my own way to the airport. I pulled my bags back inside and tell the scheduler that I wasn't riding with that idiot. She tells me she's sending him home. She's having a great day too. Seems another driver tried to make customer pay cash 'cause he needed to pay his rent! She sent him home also. So now I'm in a van with a driver that was threatened with being sent home because he was supposed to pick up a fare and just disappeared. There's no telling where I might end up, so check your milk cartons.

At least I was early!

MSP Car Chase

2009-06-29T10:57:00.000-07:00

Hi All,
I'm Minneapolis, waiting for a tire to be changed on my connecting flight to Philadelphia. They entertained us in the boarding area with a highspeed police chase on TV from Dallas, with over 11 cars chasing some idiot in a Camry-sized vehicle doing a hundred plus. Unfortunately it was decided to board us before both the tire change and car chase were over. Check it out on the internet.
Looks like we're ready to go. Just felt the thunk of the jack going down.
Everybody have a great week
Smee

My aching back!

2009-06-23T19:49:00.000-07:00

Here I am in Atlanta, to work at Morehouse College, Emory University and Georgia State. Staying at the downtown Hilton Garden Inn. Just recovering from last night's attempt to sleep. Went to bed at 11ish and slept soundly until 12:23 when I discovered that while sleeping on the left side, I would occassionally get too warm/uncomforfable and attempt to roll to the other side of the bed. That's when I discovered there was kind of a wall and hill in the center of the bed. This may sound like a small inconvenience, but if Wilbur and Orville used a similar slope to launch their first airplane the aircraft industry would be years ahead of its present point and we could conceivably be living on Mars. I watched the digital clock until 3AM when I finally couldn't take it any longer and turned on the light and found a card with the title "In Room Comfort Guide". Lo and Behold I was on a Garden Sleep System bed that was providing me with a "Restorative Night's Sleep"! Yay! So I pumped up the right side and softened the left side. WooHoo! The results were similar to the bunny hill at [insert your favorite ski resort here]. I could get to the other side, but a rope tow would have helped.

Tonight I sleep on the other bed. I'll let you know................

Smee

Exercising in Philly

2009-06-11T05:29:00.000-07:00

Made it!
When i got to the airport I stupidly went to NWA since I had a NWA ticket. "No", the machine said. "You have to check in with Delta, which is at the other end of the airport. That would be about a mile from here." So I hoof it for a half hour, happy that I have enough time to make it anyway. At the Delta end I stand in line for a while until they have a few kiosks available on the other side of the crowd, so another guy and I wander over there only to discover that the machines won't check us in because we have NWA tickets. So we get back in line behind the people who got in during our absence. After an hour wait the agents are frantically looking for Salt Lake passengers and bring us to the front and get us on our way. Once through Security I find myself with enough time to get some food to take on the plane, since the agent said I missed 1st class by a row. I wolf down a piece of pizza and a Coke just in time to board - in 1st class, where I'll probably get something to eat. Oh well better to be 1st and full than last and empty. CU soon.

Smee

Goin' to Kansas City - They got some crazy little women there and most of them work at the airport.

2009-05-19T18:54:00.000-07:00

So I got done working at Stowers Institute in KC after a day of everything going wrong and just enough time to make it to one of the worst laid out airports in the country. Got off the rental car shuttle but when the driver announced "Terminal B". He didn't mention that Delta is not at the beginning of the concourse but 3/4's of a mile away at the other end.

Signage isn't particularly descriptive either. Consequently I barely made it to my gate in time toooooooooo............wait for 2 hours while mechanics tried usuccessfully to repair the wing flaps. When it was officially a 'mechanical' problem, the Gate Fairies began to work their magic. We all stood in line once more for 45 minutes to see what they could do for us.

"Well Mr. Papp, since you are Double Platinum Purple Gold and Diamond we are going to switch that nasty 1st Class seat on your old plane and get you into Row 38 on this plane and get you out right now. You've got plenty of time in Atlanta to make your connection to Roanoke tonight!"

Well, maybe. Assuming the plane doesn't leave a half hour late and the plane you're trying to catch isn't leaving from C47 and you land at A15 and the damn thing left 10 minutes early anyway. So now I'm in line again, eagerly anticipating the next part of my adventure. No, actually I'm getting pissed at this point. "So how do I get my luggage?"

"You can't Sir. It goes to a secured area and will be put on your plane to Roanoke tomorrow morning, where you will have no access to a hotel room since you are now staying in a flophouse on us in Atlanta tonight. No really, you CAN get your bag, it will just take 6 hours for us to find it assuming it made it onto this plane in the first place, which is unlikely since, in a cost-saving move, Delta is hiring baggage handlers directly from Mrs. Fergusson's 4th grade class in Sussex County Mediocre Minds Elementary. But cheer up. Here is a bag of essentials to cover up the fact that you're one step away from living under a bridge, and it contains a dandy SkyTeam tee shirt so you can advertise to your friends how we took care of you tonight. Have a nice evening."

So I get in another line - this one to wait for a bus to the Courtyard Inn North, only there isn't a bus to Courtyard Inn North, so I ask the driver of the Courtyard Inn South if there is another bus. He says "Yeah, but I'll drop you off myself". So the nice man drops me off in front of the hotel, I give him a couple bucks for going out of his way and walk in waving my airline chit. The clerk looks at it and says "Sir, this is the Country Inn. The Courtyard is across the street". She points to another building. So I walk across the street, but being smarter now, I look at the sign this time. "Wellesley Inn". She pointed across the wrong street!

I give up. So I dumped my laptop and new tee in my room and went down to the "Mexican" restaurant. You don't wanna know..........Hoping to be back someday.

The Other One Was Beautiful!

2009-05-19T05:21:00.000-07:00

So I'm in the airport and as I'm walking down the concourse I see two women in passing, walking together holding hands, one dressed like a guy. As I am waiting in my seat on the plane who should appear, but the two of them, standing by my seat kissing about 10 times and who stays with me while the other heads for the back of the plane???? Of course, I get the 'guy'! It keeps looking over its shoulder longingly toward the back. Ick! Gotta run.
Smee

Don't Fly Southwest

2009-04-23T18:52:00.000-07:00

So I'm finally on a plane from Baltimore to Tampa. It was supposed to leave at 7:50. I left Johns Hopkins at 4:56 and was worried I wouldn't make it, but it only took about an hour. When I got to the airport the plane was already delayed until 8:00, so I had time to get some food. When I got to the gate they announced a mechanical which delayed it another 25 minutes. Now that we're on the plane they decided to wait another 20 minutes for another plane to land. We've already been on the plane 20 minutes and they just announced the other plane just landed. Now we'll have to wait for not only passengers, but luggage to be transferred.

To keep us occupied they had a contest to guess how much fuel will be burned on the flight. The answer was 1689 gals. I guessed 1829, so I don't feel too bad.OK, I've had enough fun now.

Let's get this plane a- rollin'.

Nyaah Nyaah Doubletree!

2009-03-04T18:49:00.000-08:00

So I ended up staying in Bethesda an extra night due to the extreme stupidity of my jobular circumstances. Last night I stayed at the Doubletree about a third of a mile down the street from the National Institute of Health where I worked yesterday and today, for a rate of $167.

I checked with the front desk when I left this morning to see if they would have a room should I return tonight and was assured they would. When I got back at 8PM they said, "Sure we've got a room, but for $269. We've only got 8 rooms left". That's my definition of gouging.

They did call the Hilton down the same street 5 miles and found a room for $149, so I moved my butt 5 miles down the road and told the Hilton desk clerk my tale of woe. She said "I have a special rate for you." I thought that meant the $149 quoted by the Doubletree clerk, but no. Now, instead of the small single king room for $249 I am in a two room king suite with two TV's for.....................................................wait for it....................

$109!!!!I'll bet that Doubletree room is still empty. Sometimes justice prevails.That's my story and I'm stuck with it.

Smee

????

2009-02-11T05:24:00.000-08:00

Well here's a new one:I was supposed to take a flight out of Houston Hobby airport at 6PM. Of course the Microscope Gods have too much time on their hands and made me miss my flight, so I had to fly out of George Bush Intergalectic Airport at 9PM. Not so bad. At least it's a non-stop. So I'm looking for my gate, which is listed as B84H. I found the B84 area which is not labeled A through H, but rather 1 through 5. I had to ask the stupid question: "Where is Gate H?", to which the answer was of course "Gate 1". Which led me to the subject line of ????? If gate 1 is A thru H, a third of the alphabet, what the heck is gate 5 for, # thru *?

It's a laidback world they live in...

2009-01-29T18:45:00.000-08:00

Up North - where the snow blows, the temps drop and the people act French. Oh, wait a minute, they are French, maybe that explains it. I stand at the baggage belt with 125 other suckers, thinking that the fact that it's running means something. After ten minutes a bag appears. Eyes light up and the mood brightens. For a second, until we all realize it belongs to no one in the crowd, followed a hundred yards of belt later by two more bags about 20 feet apart, also unclaimed.

Murmering in the crowd. The belt continues to run for another five minutes then stops. After 10 more minutes, murmering turns to muttering. People are now sitting on the belt - perhaps in hopes it will accidentally start and carry them to the scene of the crime. Just another wearying end of another wearying day in a long tiring week.

Good news! "Je lai tout la plue esque vous une "short delay" pour le deliverage du les baggage". We've already had two or three short delays. At what point does it constitute une "long delay"? At least the belt has started again. Spoke too soon. It stopped once more with alerts blaring. Now we're back to moving belt but no new bags. Could it be? I think I see my bag on the horizon. More news at 11!

Ok, it's 11:00. That wasn't my bag. Either that or the guy who picked it up now has the tools to go into the microscope repair business. Ah, here we go again. The hour plus wait is bound to pay off this time. Yea! Here it comes! Only an hour and 20 minutes! The bag looks like it's been to Iraq, but it's here.

It's a Laidback World They Live In

2009-01-29T05:27:00.000-08:00

Up North - where the snow blows, the temps drop and the people act French. Oh, wait a minute, they are French, maybe that explains it. I stand at the baggage belt with 125 other suckers, thinking that the fact that it's running means something. After ten minutes a bag appears. Eyes light up and the mood brightens. For a second, until we all realize it belongs to no one in the crowd, followed a hundred yards of belt later by two more bags about 20 feet apart, also unclaimed. Murmering in the crowd. The belt continues to run for another five minutes then stops. After 10 more minutes murmering turns to muttering. People are now sitting on the belt - perhaps in hopes it will accidentally start and carry them to the scene of the crime.Just another wearying end of another wearying day in a long tiring week.Good news! "Je lai tout la plue esque vous une "short delay" pour le deliverage du les baggage". We've already had two or three short delays. At what point does it constitute une "long delay"? At least the belt has started again. Spoke too soon. It stopped once more with alerts blaring. Now we're back to moving belt but no new bags. Could it be? I think I see my bag on the horizon. More news at 11!Ok, it's 11:00. That wasn't my bag. Either that or the guy who picked it up now has the tools to go into the microscope repair business.Ah, here we go again. The hour plus wait is bound to pay off this time. Yea! Here it comes! Only an hour and 20 minutes! The bag looks like it's been to Iraq, but it's here.
Smee

2008-10-25T10:52:00.000-07:00

Don't forget - DST ends tonight at 0100. Set your clocks back one hour. Or if you are in Prague, forward 8 hours or something like that. I just know I'm going to screw this appointment up in Prague on Monday because I couldn't figure out what time it is! Had a great time strolling around Zurich today. 'Stuff' is VERY expensive though. I think I spent my allowance already and I'm not even to Prague yet. I think I'm going to try mailing a package home from the airport tomorrow so I don't have to carry extra bags all over Europe.
Don't get your hopes up. It's all for me!
LU

Bathe at the Golden Tulip Hotel

2008-10-23T17:26:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the world of bathing at the Golden Tulip Hotel in Konstanz, Germany, where I can stand in the middle of the bathroom (or slightly off center) and touch all four walls, including from inside the shower to the mirror over the sink on the opposite wall!

Ah, yes, the shower......a two foot square shower base in the corner with a curtain around it. Try this sometime: attach a seven foot piece of hose to your shower outlet (I call this the Temperature Delay). Next, wrap a bedsheet around yourself, step into the shower and let 'er rip. Taking care not to bump into the super touchy controls so that at any moment (actually about 15 seconds after you ran into them, thanks to the Temperture Delay), you are treated to a totally unpredictable flavor of pain; either ice cold or skin peeling hot, depending on which faucet you ran into during your dance with the freezing cloth bandage you are wrapped in.

Of course another 15 seconds elapses before you determine if you have improved your situation or only made it worse. Girls would love the sink. There is a handprint area of space on either side to place toiletries or more like toiletry. I do like the heated marble floor and you might want to stand up before flushing or you could go down with the ship if you know what I mean. Anyway, just a few morning observations before I leave for work.

BTW, I accidently drank a yogurt at breakfast. Who knew?

Swiss.......not just a cheese anymore!

2008-10-21T18:20:00.000-07:00

Greetings from the hills of Switzerland. Lots of rolling hills with big farms. Big Alpental looking farmhouses too. And REALLY long tunnels through the hills - like 2-3 miles for one of them. And the leaves are turning all colors. Looks kind of like Leavenworth this time of year.

Of course all is not rosey........ That would be too easy. Got into Zurich after a mere 14 hours of flying. Did get some sleep on the plane. Rented my Cadillac (kind if a mini Dodge Magnum). I found out that if you ask for a GPS you end up with an automatic caddy with GPS in the dash. It's saved many times already.When I finally found the account and parking only a few blocks away (and free). I found the p............aaaaannnnnddddddd he falls asleep on the bed of the hotel for 2 hours. I've GOT to get some sleep. I'm here and all is OK. I promise to tell more after some SLEEP!

Goin' Home

2008-08-01T05:53:00.000-07:00

Here I sit in the center seat
No place to move and nothing to eat.
Can't wait to see who my seat mates 'll be.
Prob'ly a couple of tubs like me.
In row 37 across from the loo.
But I don't care cause I'm headed for you!
Love you,
Smee

Oh, Crap!

2008-04-18T18:21:00.000-07:00

So I’m on the plane to Syracuse – The “40 minute flight” took 40 minutes to get off the ground. This, after missing my 4:30 flight where they gave away my seat 18 minutes before the flight was scheduled to leave. “You have to be in your seat 15 minutes before the scheduled departure time, Sir.” The rules are pretty strict when they apply to the passenger and not the airline.

Anyway, the flight attendant gives us her “This is a real short flight and I don’t have time for any crap, so you’re getting Coke and Sprite and their diet equivalents” speech and suddenly RUNS the length of the plane and disappears into the lavatory. She emerges about 5 minutes later and makes an announcement. “Uh, the lavatory is, uh, well, you’ll have to very careful, uh, using the lavatory, uh, because the, uh, toilet, uh, well, doesn’t flush, uh, properly and, uh, well, you need to be very careful using it.”

Gee, maybe that’s why it smells in here! Needless to say, no one used the lavatory.

Flying really is fun though!

The Further Adventures of the Flying Papp Show

2008-04-10T17:22:00.000-07:00

Soooooooooo……Another day in the airport jungle. I got finished at Harvard in good time and arrived at the airport 3 ½ hours before my flight. Score!! Or not. United (Our Motto: We’ll get you somewhere, eventually, we think.) Decided 3 ½ hours in advance that their 7:15 flight would be delayed long enough that I would miss my connection to Charlottesville in Washington DC.

My option was to take a flight out in the AM, which would ultimately get me home, maybe Saturday? After pressuring them they agreed to send me on a USAir flight to Pittsburgh (Wasn’t I in Pittsburgh yesterday?) that would allow enough time to make a connection to VA. OK. Now all I had to do was walk a mile from Terminal C to Terminal B. No problem, I need the exercise.

So I get to USAir where I’m told that I now don’t have a ticket on either United OR USAir. Perfect! After 2 hours of phone calls and standing around, they realize the agent voided the wrong ticket and gave me the correct ticket - to seat 17C. “So what about the First Class ticket that I originally had?” I ask, brazenly tempting fate. “Did you pay for First Class?”. “Beats me”, I think. “Yeaaaah, sure I did”. OK, we have a seat left in 1st if you don’t mind a window. I settled.

Then God got even with me at Security, where I had the privilege of a free frisking. Now I find out this flight is also delayed, so I still may not make my connection. I called the account and told them I’d be there when I got there, unless the airlines had anything to do with it.

P.S. I’m now in Philadelphia with about 10 minutes between flights thanks to delays at both ends, but my Blackberry is not. I have no idea where I had it last. I think maybe at the USAir desk. Don’t recall taking it through Security. God, I love traveling! I wish I was better at it.

Feenix to Seattle

2008-02-01T18:24:00.000-08:00

Lady in front of me can't stop talking to her new best friend in the next seat. I can't concentrate on anything else. My headphones just make it worse so I'm going to be her court reporter. I moved to the middle seat so I can hear better. Dyed bright hair. Mother had cancer. They wouldn't give her enough morphine. She wants to be cremated. Throw a big party 8 or ten weeks after her death and play Led Zepplin music. Dog had something like mange. Cost $175. Friend gave her $25 toward bill. Had to put it to sleep, but they won't let people do that, cause they treat dogs better. Her other dog was bitten by her ex-husband's dog. He gave her $75 toward the bill. Shops at Trader Joe's. Good cheese and chicken and of course desserts, but they don't have too many desserts. Likes Foster Farms chicken. Man, I can't keep up. Now we're on to pumpkin soup. The CD's got 10000 recipes on it, but apparently no pumpkin soup! We've been airborne about 15 minutes. She goes to Goodwill. Not sure if she's sleeping under a bridge. Loves German sausage even tho she used to be a vegetarian. Then chicken was OK, fish was OK. Squeezes her own juice. And freezes it. Lost 17 pounds. Friend lives close and has a huge swimming pool, but she just likes to lay out a couple times a week so she goes to her son's apartment. Going to Big Sur this summer (just like her new friend) and went to Cabo last summer - went snorkling, but they're just pushing time shares. The meals were SO expensive - 15 - 23 dollars. Lot of resort areas. Oooooo! Very sucky! At least she speaks Spanish. Her daughter Alexis said "You speak Spanish?". Well, at least the swear words.Why did they take the knives out of the planes. I could pry open a window and get sucked out!Alexis didn't want to go to Alaska, so I think it's Jamaica next. This is riveting! Are you asleep yet? No intentions of getting caught in a foreign country. She carries her key. She's going to poke him in the eye with her key.If she's tired and you wake her up she's mean! - Information overload. No bus tours. Walking tours only. The castle in Germany was a disappointment. It wasn't a real castle. It was made in the 20th century. Bummer. Never going back to Japan. Not sure why. Wants to go to Italy, Greece, Prague, maybe the Dominican Republic since she speaks some Spanish. The hotel in the Yucatan was walls with hooks for hammocks. Believe me, she was pissed, or as her friend told the proprietor, "My friend is very hot tempered." Had to use the animal yard for a bathroom. I think I've accidently been sucked into a Soap or maybe a "Lost" episode.Good news! She likes Hawaii! My God! I think she wore herself out! She's kicked her seat back and turned off her reading light. What am I going to do for the rest of the trip?! I think her mouth actually closed! But it's still smoking.

Whew! And I only got half of it! That's all for now.

More Seoul Man

2007-12-15T18:28:00.000-08:00

Hi Everybody,

I just got back from a full day in the Itaewon market district. It was pretty interesting once I got past the occasional smell of the sewer. Lots of shops with all kinds of Korean stuff. Lots of knick knacks. I bought 2 knicks and about 17 knacks. I probably spent too much for the armload of stuff I bought, but hopefully people will like getting something from here. I'm not going to tell you all I picked up. I ran out of cash and have to figure out how to get more. The selection was not what I had hoped, however.

I know Emily wants a "Seatbelt Bag". There were TONS of handbags, but I'm not sure what to get. No one knew what I was talking about when I tried to explain the seatbelt bag thing and, to be honest with you I'm not sure myself. If I only knew what "seatbelt" was in Korean. I'm drawing pictures in the air and wrapping invisible things around my waist. The clerks must have thought I was nuts!

Some photos of shopping in Seoul (sorry they're so small):

Oh, and I ran into two clerks who were laughing at me, saying they had my picture on a tie. Then showed me a Santa Claus tie. I think I'm the only person in Korea with a beard. I wish I could find a camera store. My battery is dead in the useless Minolta I have with me and I really would like to take some pictures of the lights all over the place. The Christmas lights are truly unbelievable.

My package of parts arrived at the airport today and is at Customs, so I think it will be at Samsung on Monday, so I should be able to leave on the 6:30 flight on Monday. OK, tonight I found the Korean equivalent of Buca Di Beppo, the Italian place where the smallest serving serves 27 people. I walked down the hill from the hotel to a Chinese or Korean or Japanese (how the heck would I know) restaurant. No speak English! No speak Korean! So they had pictures of food on the menu with stick figure gibberish underneath. One looked pretty good, with porkish looking meat in the middle of some greens. OK by me.

So I order and when it's ready I pay 20,000 Won and try to leave a tip. No can leave tip. I like this place! So the waitress gives me a bag which weighs approximately 7 to 8 pounds, I'm not exaggerating. Then I trudge up the 15% grade a quarter of a mile hill thinking "I'm going to have to return the ceramic plates to the restaurant in the AM, or maybe the hotel knows to return them for me". Imagine my surprise when I get to my room and open up the bag. Now picture a plate…….no wait! Wait! Wait! Remember the last you washed the car? Picture the bottom half of the bucket. That was what I carried up the hill. A plastic bucket containing a GALLON of soup and nasty green stuff and pretty much the entire spine of a 30 pound pig!

Oh, yeah, no utensils, so I'm eating it by using my ice bucket tongs to pull the meat off the vertebrae and eat it with my fingers. I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to with the 6.2 pounds of green stuff, bones and soup I have left over. By eating full time for an hour now, I have managed to lower the level of the bucket o' stuff about 1 ½ inches. Most of that was bones which are now in the plastic bag. Only 4 inches to go! I am NOT kidding!

And you won’t believe this: “My Driver“ had 3 small oranges for me when I got in the cab yesterday. I ate them all and tonight I bought 4 more from a truck outside the restaurant. I’m a changed man!

I think I'm going to stop at the downtown shuttle stop tomorrow and see if I can find a camera and record some of this to share. I guarantee you would be amazed!

Seoul Man

2007-12-13T17:16:00.000-08:00

A glimpse into my trip to Seoul, South Korea...

So I left the hotel this morning at 8:45. Got a taxi (You have a choice of White Taxi, low budget or Black Taxi, about $10 more for my ride, the Concierge said). So I get into this brand new luxury Hundai (if you can imagine a Luxury Hundai (aren’t they, like mutually exclusive?). Pretty nice ride, but the traffic is MISERABLE!!! Holy Freakin” CRAP!!! We probably went 15 miles in about an hour and a quarter.

This, as it turns out, was not that bad. My driver (more about that in a moment) dropped me off in front of the building I was going to and called the guy I was meeting so he could meet me in the lobby. Cool.

Then we started with Security, Oh……my……Gawd….! These are the most paranoid people I have ever dealt with. To start with, I had to leave my passport with the receptionist in exchange for a badge that would let me in virtually anywhere. Not too concerned with WHERE I was going, but when it came to WHAT I was carrying it was a whole different story. I had to empty my laptop bag and tool bag so three guys could pore over the contents. Any thing that could carry data – my Blackberry, memory stick, camera, etc was sealed in individual baggies and returned to me. If I opened a bag while there, its contents would be cheerfully retained by Samsung upon my departure.

My laptop had seven pieces of security tape covering every port on the machine. Lord help me if a piece of tape was missing upon checkout (that’s another ½ hour process when leaving). They would then wipe the laptop clean of data before returning it to me. Every part I brought in was cataloged with the serial number and after replacing any part the old part’s serial number, would be entered into the security log on my way out. Even cables (can’t store a lot of data in an unplugged 12 inch long cable) had to be serialized (we made some stuff up here).

The room I was working in was on the other side of a clean room, so to get there you have to remove your shoes, put on a pair of rubber sneakers w/booty tops, put on a mask, headgear, full body suit and rubber gloves, stand 2 at a time in a airlock that blows wind at you for a minute, and then walk the 25 feet past the end of the clean room to the computer area where you can take some of this stuff off. Man those Koreans have little feet!

I replaced the parts I came to replace, then tested the scanner OK. Then as I was wrapping things up, I dropped a screw and when I reached for it, touched a fuse on a board and it fell off the board.

The solder connection was so poor that it was being held on by oxidation, not solder. As it turned out, another one did the same thing. Also, somewhere down the line, because this is a one-of-a-kind Engineering machine, either when the scanner broke or when I was working on it, the glass fiber optic cables that channel light to the microscope lens, had been run over by the moving part of the machine, which destroyed them. I had to find a soldering iron and fix the board and pull the fiber optics out of another scanner to use in this one, all of which took until 6:30.

Ok, now we’re back to My Driver. Apparently I now have a driver. I told him I would probably at Samsung until 5:00, since he asked. He gave me his card and said to let him know if I needed a ride back to the hotel. At about 6PM the phone in the room I was in rings and one of the Koreans starts talking to someone and hangs up. He tells me my driver has been waiting outside and called my contact to see when I might be ready, but says not to hurry. I get out there about 6:45 and he is there waiting for me. I must have overpaid in the AM. It took 2 hours to make the return trip to the hotel! The traffic here is worse than driving in New York City by a long shot! I’m going back tomorrow and my driver is picking me up at 10AM. Apparently he’s in it for the long haul.

Honest, that’s all for now.

NY, NY

2007-02-05T11:03:00.000-08:00

Holy Crap! I'm sitting in the Rodeo Bar and Grill on 3rd Avenue at midnight, watching the cabs go by. I counted 26 in 60 seconds, not counting the half dozen town cars. About 15 per light cycle. Maybe 3 or 4 private vehicles per light. Cabs stop in the middle of the intersection to pick up fares. A couple stops 2 cabs in the intersection in front of a cop car, he gets in one cab, she gets in the other and the date is over I guess.
The dump I'm staying at is just a few bloicks from the Empire State Building - I can see the top of it from in front of the hotel. Now I know why I stay at Hiltons. Ever stay in a hotel where you have to step up eight inches to enter the midget bathroom? At least they put a warning sign on the door, but I doubt I'll remember at 3AM.